I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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