that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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