Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
