I wish I could punch you in the face.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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