Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
