I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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