He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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