I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
