I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
