So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
