i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
