There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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