I will die if light touches me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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