let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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