You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
