i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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