does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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