so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I need to stop coming to work sober
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
