the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
