Already got asked if we're dating
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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