What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
