He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
