You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
two words...techno handjob
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
