I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
