We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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