Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
