erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
