I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
