was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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