Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
