Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
