a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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