Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize