This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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