i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
