My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Randomize
