Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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