I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
