does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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