Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
