Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
