I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
