So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
