Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
