she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
