You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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