i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
