Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
