He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
