hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My penis needs a shock collar
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
