Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
