i jhust puked up my retainher.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
