Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
