That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
