i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
