all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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