Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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