3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
