Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
