You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
