good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
FUCK WHALES
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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