so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
