Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
