I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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