My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize