I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I looked at my own cervix.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
