Her vagina should come with caution tape.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize