he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
