I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's get the cat blown out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
