I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
