just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
