just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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