I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
