At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
