I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
