im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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