Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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