I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dignity is for republicans.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
